Relief.
It has been difficult to come to terms with my diagnosis: to keep it in mind, but also to not let it define me. To watch how it affects my life, but also not let it dictate it. BPD is a real bitch, I’ll give it that. It’s the constant fear of rejection, the constant anxiety, and the constant need of validation. It’s the desire of affection but the disgust when it is not perfect. It weighs heavy and sometimes if I step on a scale, I wonder how much of it makes up my physical body weight, because it feels like I’ve swallowed a mountain of problems. Recently, I became frustrated with myself, and began to fault myself, and my diagnosis for the frustrating issues I was facing. It’s like being mute when all you want is to scream and make those ugly crying noises. I decided that instead of tearing myself apart, piece by piece, I would resort to that miraculous thing—-the internet. I wanted to know if what I was dealing with was unique to just me. Sometimes it feels like everyone is part of ...
